Hating the mask

 So, I arrived in Spain a week ago today. It has gone so fast, which I expected.

I have tried to make the most of each day I have been here. For the majority of the week, I have achieved this. I have visited restaurants, tourist destinations and signed up for social events. Then there is today.

I could tell last night that today would be a "tricky day". My Erasmus group were going into Valencia to witness the opening of the festival. 

In many ways, I wanted to go to. I wanted to see the costumes. I wanted to hear the music. I wanted to smell the fireworks. I wanted to taste local food.

I wanted to go but my brain said no. It would be too loud, too busy and too many things happening at once. Sometimes I can handle events like this, then other days I can't. Today, I knew it would be too much for me. I would experience sensory overload. I would be oversocialised. Spending the day alone has helped me stay calm ahead of a busy week. I still feel guilty for not being able to join in.

Wearing my "fitting in" mask is exhausting so I needed a day off. A day where no one could think I am odd.

I also needed a day without a face mask. I hate it, on Friday I was forced to flee Valencia Cathedral as I felt a wave of panic. When teaching, I can distract myself from the feeling of being smothered. Outside of school, that fabric against my mouth feels painful.

I am so glad I went to Spain, I just wish my brain didn't need so much rest. 

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